12 more days to the end of year exams. And Im not even doing much revision. I think. Im changing totally. For the worse. I slipped from being extremely hardworking to becoming a person who doesnt even care about his studies. And now, im trying to get back. But...Theres always a lot of problems.
Ever felt like asking someone to do something, but then decide not to because u dont want the person to be angry or upset? Oh well. I have had that feeling, lots of times. Always giving into others, which is my weakness itself. And end up losing out, and unable to do a single thing about it. I guess, i just find it hard to tell anyone who asks me anything no. Why not? Im just used to helping others.
Im trying, my best to study. AND I always close the door so that i can study in peace, without anyone disturbing me. And guess what? Every 5 to 10 minutes, SOMEONE will open that BLOODY door and come in just to DISTURB ME for the FUN of it. Screw him. Hes really irritating. And i dont have a good temper. I know it myself. I dont like to be disturbed, especially when im doing my homework. And when i get angry, everyone just enjoys talking to me. And its hard, having to have to act as though nothings happening. Sometimes, i really wish i can shout out loud. Or let all the tears flow.
I've always faced everything alone. And had no one to tell all my sorrows to. But nobody understands me. Nobody.Sometimes, i dont even know why im living for. But this year, someone came into my life. Picked me up, and encouraged me to move forward. Consoled me when i was upset, and shared my joy with me when i was happy. And cheered me up whenever i had a quarrel with my family. Why....why is that person so nice to me. Im someone who has such an ugly past. And my future doesnt look bright. So why? Why is that person even bothering about me.
I want to forget everything. EVERYTHING about my past. And start over again. And start everything afresh. But...theres no such thing as a restart button unless u die right? I can only change...bit by bit. So...
I shall start anew this year, by starting to study....but is it really possible?